plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The Olympian is in my bed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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