This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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