I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
