i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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