Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
