I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
