Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
