you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize