so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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