apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
