I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
