Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I did not marry a roomba.
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