Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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