My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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