I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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