He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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