yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
