I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
