Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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