And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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