it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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