She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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