she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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