I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
