Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
whose parrot is this?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
