you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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