Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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