Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
