toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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