Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
