I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
