good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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