Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
