New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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