true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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