My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
