This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You took a bar mat shot.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
