You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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