i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
