Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
