i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
