Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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