I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
