I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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