Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm like, not good at living.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
