Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
