Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
