let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
