This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
