i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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