I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
