She is in my trunk
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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