I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
