you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
