i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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