Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
