Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
