Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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