both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I forget how to act sober
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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