it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
