i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize