remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
