I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My penis needs a shock collar
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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