it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Success! We fucked roommates!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
