SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
