Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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