what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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