ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Randomize
