I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
