she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
