omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
