if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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