If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
