my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
