ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
