I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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