I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
