i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
pray to the hookup gods
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
