Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
