how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
