I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
