I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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