And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize