You're a womanizer and a bitch.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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