so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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