You can't motorboat a personality
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize