You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
