As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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