We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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