Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
