I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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