Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
