She announced her abortion via fbk
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize