i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
