Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just tell him i said nine months
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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