I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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