I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
