it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They have beer where we have blood.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
