I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
