Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
