I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize