Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
