Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
