HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
