i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize