Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
