dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
