you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
