Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
