i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
