why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize