Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
