Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
