i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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