My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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